Princess of Power

The Bath Half Marathon is just a few days away and I'm in my final taper training stages. Thanks to the amazing and wonderful support I've received, I've also beaten my fundraising target! I'd love to raise even more for Mind, so if you can please donate here - you can also donate by texting KWIN90 £3 to 70070 to sponsor me.

The fantastic folks at Dressing Up Box have also shown their support and donated the subtle, understated outfit I shall be wearing this Sunday:

I'll be hard to spot and won't really stand out from the crowd dressed like this, but if you do see me slogging my way around the course please give me a wave! I know from personal experience that applause and cheers from supporters watching the race makes a huge difference to runners and really gives everyone a boost, so whilst I may look like I'm dying and/or in my own, zoned-out world, believe me I will be very appreciative! 

I may or may not be swishing my cape as I run.

It's easier to swish your cape without an enthusiastic dog around.

Thanks to Dressing Up Box turning me into a superhero for Sunday, I'm really hoping everyone can dig deep and sponsor what they can. I will certainly be giving it my all and hoping to do myself proud! This will be my last post before the half marathon so fingers crossed my training pays off and it all goes to plan on race day.

In summary: I am running 13.1 miles in fancy dress.

I AM RUNNING 13.1 MILES IN FANCY DRESS.

I AM RUNNING 13.1 MILES IN FANCY DRESS.

If that doesn't encourage you to sponsor me, I don't know what will.

Donate online here or text KWIN90 £3 to 70070.

For the honour of Grayskull!

NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR GLOM OF NIT

I’m in the final month of training for the Bath Half and I’m laid up with another chest infection. Brilliant. Illness has been my major setback in my training – but despite ‘flu over the Christmas holidays and having a cough since October (yay) I’ve clocked up an impressive* 119 miles in 22.54 hours across 30 workouts. All this sickness does mean my hopes of running the entire 13.1 miles of the half-marathon course are pretty much scuppered, but hey, I’m not letting that defeat me. Even if I have to walk intervals of the Bath Half I am still going to get out there and give it my all, and it’s for a great cause too! You can learn more about Mind and sponsor me here.

Style by West Country Weather...

I haven’t been letting the weather stop me, either. I’ve been out in frost and freezing temperatures; braved gale force winds; and ran through torrential rain. Even when I was training for the Manchester 10k a few years back, I stayed in the dry of the gym rather than run in inclement weather, so I am very proud of myself for sticking to my training plan regardless of how bad it is outside. My training partner, Ripley, has also been keeping me motivated, although the frequent pouring rain has been a drag for both of us.

Yay wet weather runs 0_o

Bristol has also psychologically broken me and I now actually like running hills – the painful inclines are definitely worth it for the recovery of downhill! I have explored huge areas of the city, too, and found new routes and roads and gorgeous views. I am also up to running a continuous 6.5 miles, which is the longest I have ever run non-stop, and I managed to get my average mile pace down to 10.04 minutes across that distance. I even went to the gym on a Saturday and have my long runs on a Sunday and if that’s not dedication, I don’t know what is.

The Rock has *nothing* on me

Hopefully I’ll be back pounding pavement later this week and I will be giving it my all at the Bath Half! You can show your support by donating to me and Mind: text KWIN90 £3 to 70070 to sponsor by text message, or go to http://www.justgiving.com/WinskillRuns to donate online. My employers are also match-funding up to £500 so please give as generously as you can!

*Impressive for me. I’m so painfully British I feel the need to play this down and try to diminish my own accomplishments, but I have worked hard for this and I’m proud of myself, dammit. So there.

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

In a moment of wild optimism, on 9th October I signed up to the Bath Half Marathon.

On the 10th October I fell over and sprained my ankle.

For the third time in five months.

And then I got a chest infection.

Not the most auspicious start to my running regime! However, today I officially began my training and I did a very steady 30-minute session of running/walking intervals. My GPS on my Runtastic app failed (again. I need a new running app.) so it recorded 0 miles, but making educated deductions from my route, my time and my step-counter I did between 2.5 and 3 miles.

I walked the sections most leaf-covered, to avoid another fall, and stuck to the least hilly section of the neighbourhood that I could, to go easy on my ankles. I also had the best possible running companion:

She's tough but fair, keeps me motivated, encourages me to run faster and further, and she certainly makes me feel safer running after dark! She is the perfect mix of an adorable friendly softy who looks tough enough to stop people from hassling me. 

That's my brief first training update - I Have Begun. I signed up, and I started training despite a long day in work, and the dark, and my ankles, and the persistent remaining symptoms of my chest infection.

You can sponsor me here! I'm raising money for Mind, who do amazing work.

I Have Begun.

Top Ten Movie Moments

I originally posted this way-back-when on the Empire Online forums, but I've had about three separate conversations recently in which I mentioned my list, so thought I'd track it down and post it here. Spoiler warning! These films are all at least two years old now, but if you haven't seen 'em look away now.

I hereby present, edited for my current tastes, my Top Ten Greatest Movie Moments:

10. Die Hard
Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.

Best Christmas film ever.

If I need to explain any further, you and I can't really be friends, 'kay?


9. Kill Bill Vol. 1 
For obvious I-love-a-great-fight-scene reasons. This is one kick-ass fight scene: The Bride taking on the Crazy 88, and then the moment when Go-Go steps up and starts swinging... 

8. The Avengers
Essentially I could put in every scene from this film, because I love it so much it was perfect eeeeeeeeeeecantwaitforavengerstwoeeeeeeeeescarletwitch. Ahem, anyway, narrowing it down to one favourite scene: "Thank you for your cooperation."

NATASHA I LOVE YOU

I just adore the way this scene plays with expectations: Black Widow goes to interrogate the recently-captured Loki, who seems to be totally destroying her with his knowledge of her bloody and violent past. And then whammy; the reveal that Natasha just cold does not give a shit and has been playing along to get Loki to unintentionally reveal his Super Villain plot. I wanted to stand up and cheer.

Honorable Mention goes to the final end-boss scene with the Chitauri. All of it; although I draw the discerning audience's attention to the following:

"You got the lightening. Light the bastards up."

Thor using the Chrysler Building as a lightening conductor. YES PLEASE.
  

7. Fight Club  
I have to confess to some self-division over which scene to select as the best from this movie. Now, admittedly, hearing the opening bars to The Pixies' "Where Is My Mind?" while the skyscrapers explode on-screen is pretty fucking cool, and one of the best endings ever, but I think what really takes the cake for me is when we first learn the real identity of Tyler Durden.
 
"Please return seats to the locked and upright position." I did not see it coming at all -  it was stunning, suddenly after to review and re-evaluate every scene in the film, having your perspective on characters knocked out of orbit - I LOVED it. 

"You met me at a very strange time in my life."

6. The Usual Suspects Well, it has to be added, doesn't it? Specifically, the unveiling of Keyser Soze. As with Fight Club, I did not suspect a thing - I love the slow-motion of the detective dropping his cup of coffee, each flash revealing all the details Verbal used to craft his lie, and the way his walk changes as he leaves the station... Hats off, round of applause, masterpiece theatre. 

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

5. The Dark Knight
There are so many scenes from this film that I could choose - it blows me away every time I watch it - but strong as the opening scene is, what really, really gets me is the scene they closed a Chicago block to film: Joker hitting the police line, the surprise reveal of Jim Gordon, and then this:

"And here. We. Go."

I could watch that scene on repeat for the rest of time. Beautiful.


4. The Shawshank Redemption Do I even need to explain? After years of physical and psychological abuse, which (we think) Andy takes without complaint... After gang-rapes, the shooting of his young protégé, Warden Norton's refusal to act on evidence that Andy really is innocent, all the other horrors he endures - he crawls through the length of three football fields, rips off his soiled shirt and holds his arms up to freedom. The music swells, you feel the triumph of Andy's will and determination over adversity and it brings a tear to my eye every. Single. Time. I always feel like applauding this scene - simply magnificent. 

"You remember the name of the town, don't you?"

3. Jaws 
Nope, not the first attack and the first time we hear that theme music; not even the final "Smile, you son of a bitch!" What really makes this movie for me, what elevates it beyond a horror or a by-the-numbers early example of the summer blockbuster - what really raises the bar on this movie is Captain Quint. 

"Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women."

To be precise, when the three guys are on board the Orca bonding and joking around over drinks in the evening, and we get around to this: 
 
"Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the island of Tinian to Leyte... just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes. Didn't see the first shark for about a half an hour. Tiger. 13-footer. You know how you know that when you're in the water, Chief? You tell by looking from the dorsal to the tail. What we didn't know, was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, sharks come cruisin', so we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know, it was kinda like old squares in the battle like you see in the calendar named "The Battle of Waterloo" and the idea was: shark comes to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the shark go away... but sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that shark he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces. You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don't know how many sharks, maybe a thousand. I know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday morning, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boatswain's mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up, down in the water just like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon, the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us... he was a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and he come in low and three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and starts to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened... waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water; 316 men come out and the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb."

Give that man an Oscar. Just reading it and I get goosebumps and my eyes tear up. Why I insist on making people watch Jaws if they haven't already.
  

2. Jurassic Park 
I was eleven years old when I saw this at the cinema - and it was probably one of the single greatest moments of my life. EVER. God I love this film, almost more than I can put into words (I was a dinosaur geek when younger, had read and loved the book, and then I saw actual dinosaurs and nearly lost my tiny young mind). And this is the moment that makes it for me - the cars stop, the power goes off, and you just know something's going to go wrong.
Then it starts.
 
The slow, menacing thump, the water ripples in the cup on the dashboard, Genarro's desperate "Maybe it's the power trying to come back on", Lex asking where the goat's gone... And it all kicks off. 

"It can't see you if you don't move!"

The goat leg drops onto the roof of the car and, with Tim, we get that long pan from ground-level up to our first look at the T-Rex. And it's fucking spectacular. Its claws brushing down the sign warning about high voltage, the scream of metal under stress as the Rex begins to rip its way through the fence, and that roar. That roar. Every single damn time I watch this movie I have the surround-sound on full volume, and I don't know about you guys but for me even 20* years' of viewing hasn't made it any less cool and downright impressive. 
 
The whole attack is so brilliantly well done - the effects are superb (and still held up when I watched it on re-release in the cinema last year), the Rex still looks real and very, very present, you really get involved. It's total edge-of-your-seat thrills; it still gets me. Every time Jurassic Park is on TV, despite the fact I own it (wore out my VHS copy, had to buy it again on DVD) I still have to change channel to watch the Rex attack. This is what cinema is all about. 


1. Aliens
 The thud of the loader's steps. The noise of the arms moving. The hissing breath of the xenomorph queen. And then:
"Get away from her you bitch!" 

"You know how to work one of those?"

Gives me chills with every viewing. The moment those bay doors open, the clomp-clomp of the loader as Ripley steps forward, and then one of my favourite movie fight scenes in the showdown with the alien queen. A real punch-the-air experience. Aliens is an excellent film in all respects and this scene is just the icing on the cake. Plus, Ripley; badass female action hero. To paraphrase a musical favourite of mine, there goes my hero.

The Fitness Diaries, part one

I recently made the decision that it was about damn time I get fit. Never one to do things by halves, I've signed up to do the Bupa Great Manchester Run in May - and you can sponsor me at:

http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/KirstyRuns

I started with the fitness kick at the beginning of September. So far I've lost 8lbs and gone from running/walking (okay, mostly walking) 1k in 9 minutes 20 seconds, to running 1.89k in 11 minutes 31 seconds, non-stop. It's a gradual improvement, but I'm pretty damn proud of myself for putting the effort in!

I've been hitting the gym 3 to 5 times a week, mixing weights with cardio and classes to improve my fitness levels. I made the decision to do the Manchester 10k recently and have started proper running training in the last week. My first outdoor run was Wednesday. I ran 1.06 miles in 11 minutes 58 seconds, today I managed 1.18 miles in 11 minutes 31 seconds.

So go me!

I'm raising money for Mind and anything you can donate will make a massive difference to the charity. I'll keep you posted with how my training goes!

Cheesed Off

I've written a guest post for my friend's award-winning blog, Cardiff Bites. Read it here!


...And then join the debate on Twitter.

Vegetarian Christmas

As a veggie*, I've been served quite a wide variety of things as substitutes for Christmas dinner. If you're having veggie (or vegan) guests to dinner this year, why not follow my handy guide to a meat-free festive dining experience? Also includes the best gravy ever - developed with a friend of mine. 


Let's cook!


You will need:
Equipment:
1 roasting tin, at least 2 inches** deep
1 steamer with two tubs, or 2 medium pans
1 baking tray
1 medium frying pan
1 large pan
1 medium pan
1 small pan
Wooden spoon
Spatula


Food:
Potatoes - 2 medium or 1 large per person, or more depending on your portion preference
Carrots - about 2 per person
Parsnips - 2 per person
Cabbage - 1 will serve 4-6
Brussels sprouts - 4 or 5 per person
Yorkshire puddings - 2 per person. I think making the freaking dinner is enough without making these from scratch, so I buy frozen
1 medium onion
2-3 cloves garlic
Vegetarian stuffing mix
Quorn streaky strips - veggie version of bacon, known as facon (FAKE-un, rhymes with bacon) in my circle. You'll need about 1 strip per person
Veggie redcurrant jelly
Honey
Veggie gravy granules
Quorn family roast - 1 will serve about 4, depending on how many slices people want
Red wine
Vegetable oil
Margarine (check this is vegan-friendly if you're cooking for a vegan!)
Salt
Condiments


How do I know it's vegetarian/vegan?
A quick note before we begin: a lot of people get confused about what is and is not vegan or vegetarian. A handy way to check - if it doesn't specifically say it's suitable for vegetarians or vegans on the packet, then it probably isn't. Don't risk it. I'm a stickler for only having veggie cheese*** and vegans in particular tend to be committed to only eating vegan-friendly products. Veggie/vegan wine can be bought from sites like Veggie Wines; products like Quorn or own-brand vegetarian lines will state whether they are suitable for vegans as well as veggies; and it should say on the packet whether the food you're buying is vegan or veggie. Honey is never vegan - don't include this if you're cooking for a vegan. If in doubt, ask your veggie/vegan guest! Most of us have an encyclopaedic knowledge of what is and is not veggie/vegan friendly and we can always help you check.


Cooking:
Preparation is the key! It helps to have everything peeled, sliced and diced before you begin to cook. Peel the carrots, parsnips and potatoes. Cut the parsnips into strips; chop the carrots into rough circles; and chop the potatoes into quarters. Take the top couple leaves off the Brussels sprouts, wash them, cut off the stalk section and carve a little cross into the bottom with a sharp knife. Peel and finely chop the garlic; peel and roughly dice the onion. If cooking for two, save half the onion to use another day.


Put the potatoes into the medium pan, cover them with water, add a pinch of salt and boil them. While the potatoes are coming to the boil, set your oven to 220 degrees. Take the roasting tin and pour in the oil to a depth of about half an inch. If you're feeling generous, olive oil tastes great but vegetable or sunflower oil will do too. Carefully put the roasting tin of oil in the oven to heat.


While the potatoes are boiling, put the carrots in the steamer or boil them in one of the medium pans. You want them soft, so they can be left on the boil for a while.


After about 10-15 minutes, check the potatoes. You want them par-boiled, so you should be able to easily stick a fork in them no more than halfway before hitting resistance. When they're par-boiled, drain the water into a medium pan and use the fork to mess up the edges of the potatoes, so they look a bit fluffy. Carefully take the tray of hot oil out of the oven - I cannot stress this enough, the oil will be hot so you need to exercise a lot of caution. Put the potatoes into the oil - it will probably spit, so careful. Seriously. Put the roasting tin of potatoes in oil back in the oven on a middle shelf. Put the Quorn family roast on the baking tray and put that on the top shelf.


Leave for 5 minutes, then put the cabbage and Brussels sprouts into the top of the steamer, or boil them together in another medium pan. Steam/boil the cabbage and sprouts for 5-10 minutes, depending on how soft you want them.


Take the baking tray out of the over and put the parsnip slices on along with the roast. Drizzle honey over the parsnips. If you're cooking for a vegan, drizzle them some olive oil over them instead. Alternately, cut the parsnips into circles and boil them up with the carrots! If you are roasting the parsnips, pop them into the oven at this point.


Turn the potatoes in the oil - carefully.


Heat up some oil in the frying pan. Cut the facon into rough squares. Take the sprouts and cabbage off the heat - drain them if you've boiled them, again saving the water - add it to the water you've already got from draining the potatoes. Separate the sprouts and put the cabbage somewhere to keep warm. Add the sprouts, facon and garlic to the frying pan. Keep the mixture moving as much as possible; cook on a medium flame until the facon and garlic being to brown and the sprouts start crisping up. 


In the small pan, heat some more oil and fry up the chopped onion over a medium/high flame. Once the onion starts to brown, add it to the water you've saved from cooking the veg. Put the pan on a low to medium flame and heat. Drop in a tablespoon of redcurrant jelly, add a generous splash of red wine (about 1 pub measure for enough gravy for 2-4 people) and add the gravy granules - mix in a tablespoonful at a time until you get the desired thickness, then stir occasionally.


Mix the stuffing according to the packet - I follow the microwave option and it still tastes great! You'll need to cook the Yorkshire puddings about now, too; they generally take about 4 minutes to cook. You can pop them on the same tray as the veggie roast and parsnips.


Take the carrots out of the steamer/off the boil and put them in the pan you fried the onions in. Add a knob of margarine and mash them up. If you chose to boil the parsnips, you can mash them in with the carrots. Use a hand blender, masher or even a fork and smash 'em up until you're happy with the result. Add a small pinch of salt.


Turn off the oven, take the roast out and set it aside for a few minutes whilst you plate up everything else. Carve the roast last. All told, the roast takes 45-50 minutes to cook, the potatoes will need about 45 minutes in the oven, parsnips have 20 minutes in the oven, carrots take 20-30 minutes to boil soft, cabbage boiled for 5-10 minutes with the sprouts, then the sprouts should be fried for around 5-10 minutes, gravy takes 5 minutes, Yorkshires about 4 and stuffing usually 5 minutes standing, 2 minutes in the microwave.


Enjoy!

My masterpiece.

*I'm actually pescetarian, which means I eat fish, but as no one ever knows what that is until I launch into a lengthy explanation I tend to just say "veggie" for brevity's sake.


**I don't often go metric.


**You read right - a lot of cheese isn't vegetarian. It's hardened with rennet, which is made from animal stomach. Parmesan cheese in particular is made from rennet and is literally never vegetarian, which has led to my on-going battle with restaurants that list Caesar salad as vegetarian - a dish covered in Parmesan cheese and featuring a sauce that includes anchovies, a fish. Sometimes I despair of people.

The BCCare Ball ; or, What I've Learned from Organising a Charity Fundraiser

I’m lucky enough to have some pretty inspirational friends – one of whom is battling breast cancer. For the second time. And she’s only thirty. Talking to her and hearing about all the support she’s had from Breast Cancer Care made me really want to do my part to raise money for this fantastic charity. I asked a friend with experience of fundraising for some advice and thought to myself, “Throwing a charity gig – how hard can that be?”

The answer is, very hard.

The support I’ve got from friends and family has been really heart-warming, but the going has been tough and there have been a lot of set-backs. I’ve learned some great lessons from my experience, though, so if you’re thinking of raising money for charity yourself I’ve got some great tips for you. Before I get to that, though, a plug for my event!

The BCCare Ball is on Friday 18^th November, upstairs in O’Neills, St Mary Street, Cardiff. Doors open 7pm, tickets are £10 and that includes the buffet, raffle entry, a set from DJ Tom Loud and a live music from The Big What?! Band. Everyone over 18 is welcome to attend! To get tickets just email me - if you can't attend, you can still donate via Just Giving. Dress code is smart, with something pink!

Plug done, I’ll get back to tips for hosting a fundraising of your own. Organising my Ball has been a challenge. The best piece of advice I got was, no matter how much time you think you’ll need to organise a charity event, give yourself more time. Putting together your own event takes a lot of work, a lot of organisation and a lot of planning.  If you’re thinking of raising money for charity here are the lessons I’ve learned.

Firstly, pick a charity that’s close to your heart. The more you believe in the charity the more work you’ll be willing to put in to raise money for their cause and the easier you’ll find it to convince people to donate their money and time as well. If you’re really behind a charity then you’ll be totally committed to raising money for them. Organising an event of your own is a real challenge and you will need to keep reminding yourself how much it means to the people your charity helps, in order to keep pushing on and stay dedicated to putting on the best event you can. Make sure you register with your chosen charity, too! Go to their website, give them a call and register yourself and your event. The charity can then send you letters of authenticity to show people that your event is legitimate, which will reassure people that any money or gifts they’re giving you will go to the charity.

Secondly, pick the right way to raise money. Ask your family, ask your friends, start a Facebook poll, post questions on forums – you may think that a banjo gig is the best thing ever, but if no one else agrees with you then you won’t get anyone turning up to your event and you won’t get many donations. Pick something that you want to do, something that you are happy to put effort into throwing, but make sure that it’s also something other people are interested in, too. Pick your timing as well; if there’s another big event on in the same town on the same day, chances are that your fundraiser will lose out to it. Ask your friends when they’ve got a free night, check that you’re not trying to host a party on Christmas Eve or something and go from there. Remember, too, that big seasonal events can be an advantage – maybe try holding a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day, or a bake-off on Pancake Day. Just make sure that you think about the time of year and the type of event you want to organise and get the two to match up as best you can.

Thirdly, be prepared for rejection. Asking for donations, asking for venues to let you use their space for free, asking for raffle prize donations – you will come up against a lot of people saying “no”. Get used to it. Try not to take it personally, either; it’s not a rejection of you, or the charity you’re representing. Companies get asked a lot for donations, they can’t say “yes” to all the requests. You’ll have to put in a lot of leg work and make a lot of phone calls. Try calling the head offices and getting in touch with local branches of larger companies.

Fourthly, don’t be afraid to ask for favours. Ask your friends, ask your family, and ask them to ask their friends and family. Know someone in a band? Ask them if they could play a set. Know someone with a talent for art or design? Ask them if they can do a poster or flyer for you. Ask local shops if they can put up your poster; ask people if they can donate their time, a raffle prize, their talent or their money to your cause. After a lot of work getting in touch with different venues in Cardiff, O’Neills were kind enough to offer their upstairs room for free. After much pleading, the band offered do to their set for free because they are lovely people who want to help raise money for this great cause; and as I work with a guy who is also a DJ, I managed to pull a favour there and he’s offered to spin the decks gratis. Swallow your pride and pull every favour you can. I got the lovely Ana Catris to do a poster for me!

 Lastly, don’t forget the power of the Net! Create a Facebook page for your event, set up a Just Giving page so people know they can donate securely to your cause, set up a Twitter account for your event or get a hash tag going so people can tweet about your event and link to it easily. Ask for retweets, share your Facebook page and Just Giving link, go to websites like What’s On In Cardiff and get your event listed – make sure that your event is out there and that as many people as possible know about it. Tell your friends and family and get them to tell everyone they know, too; word of mouth can really boost your event! Make sure you get all the support you can from the charity you’re fundraising for – after all, they want to help you make as much money as possible so they’ll be happy to help in any way they can.

It will be an uphill struggle, no mistake. You might not sell as many tickets as you hoped, you might not be able to raise as much money as you wanted, you might not be able to get as many raffle prizes as you thought. It will definitely be challenging – so why do it? Well, aside from helping a charity in these incredibly tough financial times, there’s a lot you can get out of it, too. It will really move you, how many people are willing to donate their time and their skills to help you; how many people are willing to chip in, to give you money and to help out in any way they can. Organising an event for charity can also help you, too. In today’s world it’s tougher than ever to get a job and throwing a fundraising event shows that you have determination, creativity, perseverance, organisational skills and shows off your social awareness. All of these are the kind of skills that can really make your CV stand out from the crowd and it’s the kind of experience that you can draw on in the workplace. Once you’ve persuaded the manager of a busy pub to let you use their venue for free, facing negotiations in the workplace won’t seem so scary.

So my final advice, if you’re thinking of raising money for charity? Do it. Be prepared for a struggle, but if it’s a charity that really means something to you then you know how important it is that they have enough money to keep up their good work.

To buy tickets for my event go to www.justgiving.com/CharityBallCardiff - hash tag #CharityBall on Twitter.

Past Times

Idly scanning through the Empire Online Forums last night, I stumbled across a very old posting of mine - from way back in the mists of time, practically before recorded history began. I wrote it in May 2006. Original post as follows:-

"Just a quick thought: Are there any films that if your new boy/girlfriend didn't like, you'd seriously reconsider your attraction to them..? I'd have to really, really think about a guy who hated The Lost Boys. Largely because I like to watch it so often that, if potential new boyfriend didn't like it, we'd never be able to live together harmoniously. Also The Usual Suspects. Anyone who can't see how fantastic a film that is just isn't for me! And Leon. Love me, love my films about vaguely paedophilic assassins."

I've been with the Boyfriend now for over a year (15 and a bit months for those who favour precision. ...Okay, that's me) and I find it amusing to read that post now, because not only have I not watched any of those films with Boyfriend, but I've not actually watched any of them in the last two years. Don't misinterpret, I still love those films (The Usual Suspects is, was and always will be one of the greatest films of all time in my geeky opinion). I've just not revisited those classics in a good long while.

Boyfriend has actually expressed his hatred for The Lost Boys, and not only have I not dumped him because of it, it has not affected my life at all. I feel like I've mellowed in my old age and this has, in turn, let down my younger, geekier, past self. Future Winskillfull is a serious disappointment to Past Winskillfull.

Movies are still very much a massive part of my life - and I am gradually acclimatising Boyfriend to the idea of wanting to go to the cinema, then seeing what's showing, and picking the film you want to see most out of what's on offer. Boyfriend is a traditionalist: he waits until cinemas are screening a film he's already heard of and wants to see. Phillistine. But he's currently watching every single episode of Buffy: the Vampire Slayer with me, in order, so swings and roundabouts.

It just made me reflect on how much more willing to compromise I am: which you may doubt, if you've only known me in the last couple years. But seriously: mellowed.

5 Stages of Financial Incompetence

It was pay day yesterday, so naturally I did some online banking* and checked my balance. I discovered that, if I don't want to go into my overdraft, I have about £100 to last me until January 15th, after bills and travel costs. I still have to buy food out of this fund, but fingers crossed I can take inspiration from snakes over Christmas and just stuff myself so full of food that I don't need to eat until again until around January 10th. Here's hoping.

Now, you may be wondering if this is my normal monthly allowance: it isn't. Well, what happened? You may be asking yourself. Here's what happened: essentially, I am some kind of infant who should not really be in charge of all areas of my life. I should be judged unfit for independence and assigned some kind of accountant and/or care-worker to help me live my life. My life works on some kind of Indepence Failure Cycle - let me explain...

Stage One:
Am In Charge of My Life Like A Boss.

During this stage of the cycle, I am organised. I am efficient. I am sensible. I check my accounts online on a regular basis, monitor my spending and know exactly how much I have left of my self-issued allowance after every purchase. I consider said purchases carefully: when grocery shopping I find the cheapest items available; I shop around for prices on toiletries or other essential purchases; I think about how much I have left to spend before buying luxury items or treats for myself. I am, in other words, THE KING OF MONEY. At this stage in the cycle I reach the end of the financial month with money left over; I put money into my savings; and I get another step closer to paying off my overdraft. I feel like a proper, sensible grown-up – except I feel a sense of smug self-satisfaction about my achievement, which I think sensible grown-ups don’t actually feel.

Stage Two:
Only-Child Syndrome.

Stage Two begins innocently enough. I’ve had a phase, sometimes several months long, during which I have been in rigid control of my spending. Stage Two then begins in one of two ways:-

One: the Shoulder Devil begins to speak up in my mind.


Two: I see something, strictly speaking over my budget, which I really, really want.
Sometimes I don’t immediately crumble. Sometimes I resist the urge to go over my budget – but ironically, this just empowers Stage Two. The more I resist spending, the more I feel I deserve to buy myself a treat as a reward for not spending.

I’m pretty sure Stage Two has its roots in the fact that not only am I an only child, but I was the only grandchild until I was about nine. I am still the only grandchild on Mum’s side of the family, which means that “spoiled” seems like kind of an understatement for my childhood. I mean, I actually had an actual pony.

As a result, although I’ve been relying on largely my own earnings since I got my first part-time job aged sixteen, I’ve never emotionally come to terms with the fact that I cannot have everything I want, as soon as I want it. Logically, I know that some pleasures have to be delayed and that I cannot afford to buy a life-size My Little Pony Dream Castle in which I can build a cinema room and I will have cushions made of silk and an all-Alessi-products kitchen and I will ride a unicorn that is also made of gold and can fly and my friends will die, actually die of jealousy. I know this. However, the petulant, whiny, over-indulged five-year-old that still lives in the back of my psyche does not know this; or rather, refuses to acknowledge that we need to accept our financial limitations. Thus the irresistible power of Stage Two.

Stage Three:
The Extravagant Purchase.

Sometimes it’s something relatively small, but it’s bought at the end of my financial month so just pushes me over budget.

Sometimes it’s something big that I really shouldn’t be spending my money on.

Either way, I make a purchase that breaks my budget. From then on, something snaps in my mind and I lose all remaining traces of my Stage One control.

Stage Four:
YAAAAY! BUYING THINGS!!

I’ve already blown my budget, right? Screw it, I may as well buy all the things!

This stage is similar to people who have trouble dieting because, should they have so much as one biscuit, they figure they’ve “ruined” their calorie intake for the day so they may as well enjoy it, go nuts and eat everything in the house. And then go out and buy cake.

Once I’ve made that one over-budget purchase the Shoulder Devil takes over completely and the rest of my mind gives a mental “oh well” shrug and just goes along with things.

During this time I do not check my balance online; I don’t look at my balance at the ATM; and I press a firm “no” at the “Do you want an advice slip?” stage. Obviously the advice is “put the money back in the bank” – but I’ve sailed past the point of no return in the SS Wilful Ignorance and there’s no listening to reason now.

Stage Five:
Shame and Guilt.

At some point, usually after the subsequent pay-day, I work up the nerve to check my bank balance. I then consider how much damage I’ve wreaked on my former careful-savings-plan.

I then swing and forth between intense guilt and shame for my over-spending, and sheer, outright panic and despair over the implications on my budget for the next few months. As the guilt/panic eases, I realise that I must live to an even stricter budget for awhile in order to compensate for the damage done to my savings/overdraft during Stage Four. This, naturally, leads back into Stage One.

Clearly, I need some kind of grown-up assistant (or possibly a helper monkey/thinking-brain dog) to supervise me. They can either act as a Voice of Reason during Stage Two, thus hopefully averting Stage Three altogether; or they can act as damage limitation once Stage Three has been reached, thus preventing Stage Four. Until the day I am assigned such help by the state, the wheels turns ever onwards….

*Not rhyming slang.

Girls & Boys

This is a subject that's always been near and dear to my heart, but following recent reads, recent blogs of mine and recent discussions, it's very much at the forefront of my mind.

I do not believe there is any real, significant, fundamental difference between girls and boys based on their gender.

Let me elaborate: I've been an owner of animals since I got my first cat aged four; I've had pets of both sexes and been around animals of different sexes pretty much all my life, and I can state with confidence that I have never noticed any significant difference in personality (and believe me, animals have their own personality, but that's a blog for another day) based on their gender. Sure, male dogs with hump things, male peacocks will flash their colourful tails, male cats spray their territory while females physically cannot...I don't deny their are clear differences physically between the genders, and I am sure that these physical differences can have an impact on behaviour - the influence of hormones is not something I am inclined to argue against.

However, when it comes to personality traits like having a temper, liking this or that, being kind, having a gentle nature, wanting things clean, preferring things messy - I'm pretty sure it's bollocks to say this is in any way related to gender (beyond social influences, which I'll get to) and to state that "men and women are different" is reductive and insulting. To both sexes.

I love violent video games and paintballing and the toy I wanted most as a kid was Scalextric (and one day I will damned well own one); I like playing Grand Theft Auto and taking the stolen pixilated cars on a rampage through the make-believe city; I mostly wear trousers and trainers and I'm partial to a pint in the pub while watching football or rugby on the big screen.

I also enjoy horse-riding, like wearing make-up, enjoy baking and cooking, melt into a puddle of gooey emotion around cats, especially kittens, cry like a baby when someone dies in a film (yep, I even cry at Titanic, god help me) and dream of owning an Alessi-stocked kitchen.

I don't like any of these things because I'm a girl. I like them because I'm me, the product of my DNA, my family background, and the people I choose to be friends with. A combination of nature and nurture, in which I'm sure having double-X chromosomes does play a part - but that double-X doesn't tell the whole story, and frankly presuming it does is an insult to me.

If I said, "Bill likes x because he's gay", that would be homophobic. If I said, "Kate likes x because she's black", that would be racist.

So why isn't it sexist, and therefore just as offensive, to say "Julie likes x because she's a girl"? Why isn't sexism socially perceived to be just as bad as racism or homophobia?

Yes, society plays a huge part in how we turn out, and currently, most of Western society seems to think that people will behave in certain set ways based on their gender: boys like blue and football and astronauts; girls like pink and ponies and fairies (with pink fairy ponies obviously being the zenith of female desire). Yet by presuming that girls and boys are fundamentally different, we're perpetuating this misconception and taking an active part in continuing to support this fantasy gender-division.

If everyone around you expects you to like pink and hate football because you're a girl, then there is enormous peer pressure on you to conform, to live up to expectations; it's a rare person who is strong enough to defy expectations, especially when you're a teenager. If your family, friends, role-models, TV and film characters, people in magazines and characters in books are all sending the same message ("You're a girl so you like x and hate y; you're a boy so you like y and hate x") then it begins to be seen as "normal"; and if you're not "normal", you're different; and different is bad.

What this attitude fails to take into account is everyone's own, individual, idiosyncratic personality. Kate likes x because she's Kate, not because she's gay/straight, female/male, Caucasian/Asian etc. Sure, ethnicity, race, religion, gender and sexuality all play a part in making you, you, but each individual aspect doesn't tell the whole story, and to say otherwise is, frankly, both old-fashioned and reductive, not to mention pretty offensive.

I often feel like I'm taking crazy pills when this issue comes up: most people think that there's true gender equality in British society at the moment (there isn't) so what am I getting so riled up about; or they'll take offence that I am "insulting" them by presuming they are furthering the gender gap through their own actions and/or opinions; or they'll turn the issue into a joke, which is offensive to me in and of itself, as their facetious attitude implies my opinions are invalid and the issues at hand comical; or they'll just think I'm wrong, that there is a real difference between boys and girls, and to say otherwise makes me stupid (the patronising bastards).

I'm not the only one to feel this way; but sometimes it sure as hell can feel like it. The worst thing is when this issue arises with someone I'm close to, and I suddenly realise that not only am I talking to a sexist; but I'm talking to a sexist who thinks I am in the wrong for challenging their beliefs on the gender divide.

What I also find very personally upsetting and distressing is the results of this socially-created gender divide: there's still a huge pay gap; it's presumed women will do the majority of the work raising children; women are seen to be the ones who should do the cooking and cleaning; women have to battle against preconceived, often contrary, notions of how they should behave in the workplace; women can have difficulty getting, or keeping, the same jobs as men; and most distressingly of all, women are much more likely to be perceived as sex-objects and therefore are more likely to be subject to sexual attack, either verbally, physically, or both.

Violence against women is a huge issue, and not one I'm going to get into here; pertinent information can be found at sites like End Violence Against Women and Womankind Worldwide.

What I will say is that, from my own personal experience, I have experienced sexual abuse because I'm female. I've been returning from the bar in a pub, hands full of drinks for me and my friends, and had a man grope my breasts and laugh at the shock on my face; I've been returning home on the train after a day's work and had my backside and breasts groped by strangers because they're drunk, returning from the football/rugby and felt entitled to do that to me; I've had offensive terms yelled at me in the street, and believe me I'm hardly dressed as or looking like "Page Three" material at the time, and I've worked in places where men have made sexist jokes, followed me around the warehouse floor so they can stare at me while I work, and speculated about my sex-life.

I find it hard to separate these issues in my mind: if you think men and women are fundamentally different, then you probably think one sex is better than the other; if you think one sex is better than the other, then you think one sex has the right to discriminate against the other; and if you think one sex has the right to discriminate against the other, you probably think one sex has the right to verbally and/or physically abuse the other - "look at the way she was dressed, she was asking for it"; "she came home with me, she was asking for it"; "she passed out drunk in public, she was asking for it". And no, I don't think sexual abuse is committed by men against women, but statistically that is what mostly happens.

Maybe I am prejudiced for making these associations, for thinking that because someone acknowledges and either plays along with, or panders to, these largely false gender divisions, they might end up discriminating against me, or another woman. But that's my problem - and to be honest, I'm yet to be convinced that I am wrong to make that association.

I don't think that just because someone I'm close to displays an old-fashioned or sexist attitude, they will end up committing sexual violence against me; but I do think their attitude contributes to perpetuating sexual discrimination which could lead other men to commit sexual violence. Perhaps that's reductive of me; but it's still what I fear is the consequence of their attitude.

So, is it just me, or is any one else railing against the prejudice around them and determined to try and change things for the future...?

Room 101

I'd say you wouldn't like me when I'm angry, but to be perfectly honest I am angry a significant portion of the day and as such clearly you either do like me when I'm angry, or we're not actually friends. Realising that recent happy-happy-joy-joy posts may give you, the reader, an unbalanced perspective on my nature, I'm bowing to popular pressure (okay, one person's pressure) and my own desires and listing the things that I would banish to Room 101, or would strike from the very face of the earth if I had the power to do so. And, god willing, one day I will. Ideally, one day I will be the God, but I try to keep my aims reasonable. Queen of the World will suffice.

Anyhoo, this is just the list of things I (currently) have no power to change. I do get angry at proper serious issues, too: I read Bad Science by Ben Goldacre and became pretty incandescent with rage; and I'm currently reading In Stitches by Dr Nick Edwards and it makes me want to march all the way to the Houses of Parliament and stand outside screaming, "You idiots, you fucking idiots, why can't you listen to NHS staff for a change?!". But these are things we all have (some) ability to change; we can write to our MPs, sign or create petitions, join protests, set up angry sciency blogs - we can make a difference, although it might be a small one and take ages to impliment any real change. But still. The things listed below, however, are things that, lacking the power to affect, enrage me all the more.

• People getting in my way. This follows on from people who stop in doorways, and for the same essential reason. I have somewhere to be, places to see, people to do, and I want to be able to get there. I do not want some idiot cluttering up the pavement and slowing me down. I hate it when people stop in doorways, or at the top of escalators/stairs, or when they are trundling along the street at about one mile per year and also managing to take up the whole damned pavement so I can't even get past them. Hate it hate it hate it. Even when I was hobbling along on crutches with a broken ankle I was faster than the average Cardiff resident (and smarter than the av-er-age bear) and I feel the Facebook group I Secretly Want to Punch Slow-Walking People In the Back of the Head is my spiritual home. This hatred also applies to people who're serving very slowly at tills - I don't want to be in the queue for the rest of my natural life, thanks, so picking up the pace would really help me out.
  
• People that inexplicably go to empty counters/tills. I saw this all the time back when I worked in a department store, and I see it now when shopping. There's a till with a person stood behind it in plain sight, not that far away, and yet some people will still meander blindly over to a counter where there are no people serving. This drives me crazy - why do they do it?! It's like when I'm stood waiting for an elevator and people come up, stand beside me, then push the button to call the elevator, like I'm some kind of moron who hadn't figured this out already. I may one day snap and thank them profusely for saving me from a potentially eternal wait for an elevator I didn't know how to summon.


• Not getting my own way. I know this is infantile, I know it's (usually) very unreasonable, I know it's unfair - and I just don't care. If that God/Queen of World thing ever comes to pass, so help the rest of you because I will have the world revolving around me. And I'll probably become dissatisfied with that and end it all in a fiery apocalypse.
  
• People who don't have their purse/wallet/bus pass ready when they get to the check-out/onto the bus. What, are you surprised they want money to finalise this transaction? Were you not expecting the driver to ask for your pass or payment? My rage is exacerbated a thousandfold if the person in question spends ten minutes digging through their bag/pockets to find their money, then starts counting out change...
  
• Strangers getting in my personal space. Now, I recognise that at a concert or the like, they're hundreds if not thousands of people around and I will get bumped into and I accept this. But when strangers sit next to me on the bus or train, I don't want any part of them to touch any part of me. It makes me massively uncomfortable, as well as pissing me off. I've usually gone to extreme lengths to press myself as far away from them as possible - and there are some people in this world who then shift even closer to me to take up the space I just made. I want to push them away and start screaming, right in their faces. This also applies when people get too close to me in a queue - I edge forward so I don't have a stranger standing a really uncomfortably familiar distance from me, and they step forward. One day soon I will loose it, turn around and yell at them to just back the fuck away from me. I also get uncomfortable if strangers deliberately touch me: for example, if they pat my hand or arm. This usually happens with older, mostly female, borrowers at the library. I know they're just being friendly and nice, but I really don't like it and you'd think my pulling away from them would clue them in about this - but it doesn't. If I don't socialise with you, that means I don't want you in my personal space. Back off, buddy.
  
• Losing. Sort of goes hand-in-hand with the getting my own way thing. I really, really hate to lose, to the extent that if I know I'm beaten before I begin, then I won't even play. And if I play and lose I want to tantrum. Like full-on, throw myself to the ground screaming and kicking my feet tantrum. I try and rein this in a little and usually end up just stropping off or sulking instead...
  
• Repetitive noise. Ticking clocks, people who say or sing the same line over and over, dripping taps, car/house alarms - you get the picture. Within a very short period, the beating of the hideous heart becomes all I can hear, all I can focus on, until I want to just smash to pieces whatever is making the noise. Worst case offenders: back when I lived at my Mum's, her neighbour would leave his house at around 6am. He would start his motorbike ... then go back inside the house and put on his leathers. Leaving the engine running on the drive. All I dreamt of was kicking his bike over then smashing it up with a baseball bat. It drove me crazy. Then there was the woman who got on the bus and starting playing a massively irritating garage song on her mobile. When the song finished, she played it again. And then a third time. And then she started it up for a fourth time and I was actually getting up out of my seat to tell her to stop when, luckily for both of us, she got off the bus.
  
• Valentine's Day.
  
• Superman.

There's more that could go on this list - lots more. But these are the things I think it acceptable to tell the world about...