Sunday, 15 February 2009

Things That Make You Go ARGH.

As I'm sure my friends would be quick to tell you, I am almsot entirely fueled by hate. There are many things about this crazy ole world that really grind my gears - let me tell you about a few of them...

1. People who stop in doorways.
It's a fucking door, moron, people need to go through it. I know your conversation is oh so vitally important, but could you please conduct it elsewhere? I have, in the past, been known to ask people if they know where they are and if they understand that they are stood in a doorway.

2. When the sales assistant gives you your change and puts the note in your hand, then the coins on top.
This drives me up the wall. My hands are already full, with shopping and purse and my bag, and I just want to be able to put my change away as quickly as possible. When the coins are put on top of the note they fall out of my hand, I can't put the money away quickly, it's just generally really irritating. It's especially irritating when, as happened to me Thursday, the sales assistant starts to give me my change, I try to take the coins first and she stops me, takes the change back, and then re-gives me the money just to make absolutely certain that I get the notes on the bottom to make the transaction as bloody awkward as possible.

3. Not a frequent occurance, but this happened to me yesterday - I was stood in line to buy some milk. An old man went up to the till and started queuing in the wrong place, not at the back of the line. He saw that all I had was milk, so kindly offered for me to go ahead of him. I understood he was just trying to be nice so thanked him, but inside I was screaming, "I'm ALREADY ahead of you, idiot!"

4. People singing/saying the same line, over and over.
I don't like any form of repetitive sound at the best of times, and when people start on this sort of nonsense I just want to beat them to death with their own shoes.

5. When people talk/answer their mobile phones in the library.
Apparently in this "modern age" the library is meant to be a more welcoming environment, as part of which public-image-drive we're meant to tolerate the utter wankers who start yelling their conversations at each other, listening to music on their headphones so loudly that I can hear it even when I'm about 15 feet away from them, and screaming down their phones at their worthless wanker friends. If you want to talk, go somewhere else. As far as I'm concerned a library is a quiet place in which to read. One day, one day soon, I will snap and tell them all to fuck off and conduct their trivial lives someplace that's else.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Shall I begin like 'David Copperfield'..?

"I was born; I grew up"...

And if you get that movie reference, there's a really good chance we can be friends.

Welly welly welly. I've dabbled with blogs before - check out for rantings from the past - but a friend's recent blogging ( has prompted me to take up the habit again. I just feel like I have so much to offer the world: my hate; my opinonated rantings; my solid certainty that my taste in books and films is better than yours....So, so much to offer.

So here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known - the road of expressing myself through movie quotations and song lyrics, that is. I'll update this as and when I have a) time, and b) something I feel strongly enough about to blog on the subject. For now, a little about my good self.

I am currently working one full-time job in a library; one part-time job as a Youth Worker (yep, to the amazement/horror of my friends I am allowed to work with children); and two casual jobs as an Educational Facilitator, which essentially means I play pretend that it's the past and work with schools groups. Lots of fun. At present I live with my mum -- lame -- as I'm saving up to move out. Which will be very soon, fingers-crossed, as soon as my soon-to-be-housemate/landlord, we'll call him The Dog, gets an offer accepted on a house. Then I shall be what they call "sans parents" and can go to a movie on a school-night like that.

Mostly I spend what little free time I have chillin' with my bitches, the Geeky Rabbit of aforementioned blogging fame, her boyf. Mr Rabbit and their housies The Duke and Ginger (names not selected by myself) and our many mutual friends, first and foremost being Everyone's Favourite Racist (EFR), a.k.a. the Geekmeister. Let me show you around some of my core friends:-

1. The Geekmeister, a.k.a. EFR after a note-worthy bout of casual racism (in an ironic fashion, you understand). We did our Master's degrees together (yep, I am educated to the MAX) and bonded over our mutual love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the pub. We've been rocking our favourite public house, the P&W, for a good three years together now. I introduced her to Geeky Rabbit and Mr Rabbit just a few short months ago, at which point we discovered Geekmeister and Mr Rabbit are essentially the same person. Geekmeister now spends most of her time round the Cathays Triangle, where every time something fun happens without me I die a little inside.

2. Geeky Rabbit, a.k.a. Rabbit in a Hat. One of my many random roles involves organising and acting in interactive workshops for kids based on Alice in Wonderland, in which I am Alice. Last year I wanted to expand the show and add another character, so asked mutual friend The Lawyer if she knew any am-dram types who would like to play the Queen of Hearts. Geeky Rabbit was the one she suggested - and Rabbit ended up playing the White Rabbit, appropriately enough, and the Queen of Hearts. And she's the Queen of my Hearts. Oh yeah. We pretty much bonded over a child freaking out about the Queen cheating at croquet, and went from there.

3. Mr Rabbit - who I met by going to a fancy-dress party at which I knew no one. Rabbit had invited me and The Lawyer, but said she wouldn't be at the Triangle until 2-ish, because of work. I thought she meant during the day and hadn't planned on arriving that early anyway. The Lawyer couldn't make it; so, dressed as a Victorian explorer complete with pith helmet and whip, I marched alone through the 'Diff to the Triangle, and when the door was answered asked if the Rabbit could come out to play. Only to find that she was at work until 2am and wasn't there. So I joined the party anyway and befriended Mr Rabbit by talking Macbeth and geek-tastic topics with him. I also bring my complete box set of Buffy DVDs to the mix, which is why I frequently spend entire weekends lost in the Cathays Triangle.

4. The Dog - buying a house in which I shall soon be living. We met at Uni and became friends via mutal aquaintence Hawko, who I'll get to in a minute. The Dog is one of those shy, quiet types that take ages to get to know you and start opening up - and then you end up knowing him for eight years and getting such lines as, "One day Hawko and I fear we're going to actually rape someone, and then say 'But I meant it ironically!'" The Dog also crafted my favourite Valentine's poem: Roses are red, Violets are blue, And you're nothing to me. Nothing.

5. Hawko. Ahhhh, Hawko. Who got this nickname because of a time he passed out drunk and was drooling on himself and apprently looked like Stephen Hawkings. We did the same course at University, didn't speak for pretty much the first month or so, then discovered we were the ones involved in a heated online debate over whether music lyrics counted as poetry. And what started as a very intellectual friendship has devolved over the intervening years into something sick and dark and twisted that involves the kind of jokes I can't post on a public forum. We once wondered aloud what it would be like to have nice, supportive friends who don't judge you and make jokes about you. We concluded we'd have nothing to talk about and moved on from there...

6. Mimi. If I ever admitted I feel feelings, I'd say she's one of my very bestest friends. We went to school together and got talking because of 'This Morning With Richard, Not Judy'. We were in the same maths class and were sat next to two popular girls who, after the first week, decided they wanted to cut us off like dead wood and sit with each other instead. So Mimi and I ended up sat together. We sat in total silence for about 45 minutes, then Mimi turned to me and said hesitantly, "Do ... do you like 'This Morning With Richard, Not Judy'?", I replied, "TMWRNJ!" and started making Curious Orange noises, and twelve years later we're still rocking our almost-shared birthday (two days apart).

7. Ali. The Alster and I also went to shcool together, were part of the same friend-group that turned on each member one by one until everyone got kicked out (aahhhh, those happy teenage years) and Ali and I then didn't speak for pretty much a decade until, of all things, Facebook reuinted us! We now stalk sellectively follow the attractive young men of the area together and revel in our mutual geekery. I also introduced her into the Cathays Triangle, which you can enter - but you can never leave.
Much like the Hotel California in that respect.

Well, think I've rambled on enough for one post - I'll be back later to regale you with tales from 1923.