Thursday, 2 July 2009

It is a Truth Universally Acknowledged....

....that Beast from Beauty and the Beast is better looking when he's the Beast than when he's turned back into a human prince. Seriously. And I'm not alone in thinking this, either; every other person I've mentioned this to agrees that when he turns human at the end, he looks creepy and sleazy and weird. Nowt so queer as folk, I guess.

I've also noticed a trend amoung friends of mine of a certain age, to have had a crush on
Trent from Daria at one time in our lives. It has made me wonder in idle moments if crushes on imaginary characters has ruined them/us/me for real men. I mean, even when you date an archaeologist, in the back of your mind you're just thinking, "Sure, he's cute. But he's no Indiana Jones." .... I considered linking the name of Indy to the character's site there, but to be honest if you don't know who Indiana Jones is, then buddy, you ain't got no place in my life or my blog. Get out.

In other news, I FINALLY found a rental place to move into! Yes, as of July 15th I shall be what they call "sans parents" and will be able to go to a movie on a school-night like that. I'll be sharing with two other girls who're extremely awesome company, we have our very own garden and cozy woodburning stove for the winter-time, and all in all I am really looking forward to it!

...Although I shall be exceptionally poor after I've paid rent, and council tax, and contents insurance, and water rates, and electricity, and my LoveFilm subscription, and TV/broadband charges, and TV license fees (bloody BBC, rob dogs) and done crazy things like bought food. Yeesh. Looks like it'll be nights in round mine, then! But hey, I have over 100 films and the Wii, plus one of my new homies has decks, so sure we'll be able to occupy ourselves!

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Staking the Cash-Cow

I know I've been dreadfully lax when it comes to blogging, but work and IRL have distracted me lately! However, this little tidbit of news has finally driven me back to my keyboard. Now, I heart Buffy. I am what they call a Buffyaholic and proud of it - I adore the characters and the incredibly rich universe that Joss Whedon created, and writers like Marti Noxon and Jane Espenson developed. I would love to see a movie/further series with Buffy & co, penned by Joss and directed by him or by one of the core Buffy writers I know and love. In fact I'm pretty sure I'd give non-vital organs or kill a man in order to make this happen.

This will not be the case with the preposed new Buffy film from the Kuzuis. Empire has already highlighted a few problems with the planned new film here, and if the new film does involve a Buffy-reboot/remake with the characters in the original 1992 film (which I also like, making me in the minority) then there will be a new and re-cast Buffy, something that just sounds made of wrong. If Kuzui Enterprises Maru-nate it then it could work: having an alternate-reality/alternate-future, starting where the film left off, with Buffy still in LA, still 16, and re-writing her future from there (although there's still that pesky re-casting to worry about; SMG*'s too old to play 16). It would more than likely be clumsy at best, an utter failure and insult to us fans at worst, but it has a chance of working.

I've also thought up a couple of ways they could do a successful, fan-pleasing new Buffyverse film:-

1. Involve Joss Whedon.

2. Ask Joss Whedon to be involved, and listen to his ideas.

3. Seriously: Joss Whedon.

4. Call the new film "Chosen" (echoing the show's finale) and have the film follow the adventures of one of the girls Chosen after the events of the end of the show. They could even set the film immediately after the end of the show: the film could pick up with a girl who's suddenly found herself with all these funky new kick-ass powers: the strength and skill to fight the vampires, demons, and the forces of darkness - as some people might say. Buffy and the Scooby Gang need never get so much as a mention, thereby avoiding those pesky problems with character rights and ownership, and that would also ensure no trampling all over the 'verse and ruining it for the fans.

5. Same as above, except set it some time after the episode "Chosen"; the Slayer followed in the new film is aware of the Scoobies, Buffy, Faith et al, but they don't appear (unless Kuzui involve Joss Whedon, seriously, do it); instead the new leading lady has been trained by Giles, Buffy & co and sent on her merry way to fight evil. Perhaps the new Slayer's been sent on a particular mission by Buffy..? Could work. If the Whedonmeister's involved, or Kuzui manage to get permission AND get original cast members on board, perhaps there could be an appearance or two by a character from the show (and/or from Angel).

6. Set it pre-Buffy. Could be decades, maybe even centuries BB**. That would explain away where Buffy and the Scoobs are and why no familiar characters will appear. It would also leave the way open for a new Slayerverse to be created - as long as the writers took care to stay true to the 'Verse That Joss Built (using the right terms, having Watchers and the Council as a feature, using the same names if the same demons appear as in the show, etc) then it could work.

Options 4 and 5 leave the way open for a new series/franchise, which has been mentioned as desierable by the official announcement. The problem with 6 is that as stated in the series Buffy's the longest-lived Slayer. If a new show/franchise was created off the back of the preposed new film (which is a bif "if"; it would have to score big at the box office and/or get a real cult following and lots of fan-following potential for a second film/new TV series to be green lit) then they'd have to make sure their Slayer du jour was killed off before she exceeds Buffy's eight years as Slayer (if you count the film and each season as representing one year - which the show did), or risk the Wrath of Geekdom.

Of course, if the new franchise became successful then Kuzui might just not give a shit about staying true to the facts of BtVS, and depending on whether or not a majority of the new fans were also Buffyaholics then the fans might potentially not care that much either. It would also be unlikely that the producers of the new franchise would be willing to risk killing off a popular Slayer (if she was popular, of course - we could end up with another Kendra on our hands, who the fans would be more than happy to see go down in flames) and replacing her with a new Slayer.

It would make for great storytelling if they had the balls to do that, though - call the show something ambiguous like Chosen rather than feature the name of the Slayer in the title, a la BtVS, and be willing to have the lead die, a new Slayer Called in her place, and then for the show to follow the new Slayer instead. A great finale for any new series (and this is getting waaaaaaaaay ahead of things: if there's a new film, and if it's successful, and if it's decided to have a new TV show pick up where the film left off, and if the writers/producers are willing to kill off the main lead, to end the show for good after one or more series) would be to have a behind-the-head shot of a blonde girl, with Merrick (could just do a recast; the series did) simply saying "Buffy" - then cut to black. Would make an awesome way to end any new series/film franchise, IMHO.

If they set a BB film far enough in the past, they wouldn't have to worry about "catching up" with the original film and show - although you do end up with the burden of having to get the historical detail right (or at least right enough to pass casual inspection by the average viewer) and it could end up pricey - any location shoots would have to be fixed and edited to make it look like the past. Wouldn't be too much of a problem if it was set in the 60s, 70s or 80s - but then you get to the issue of Nikki Wood. Hell, the new film could have Nikki as the star Slayer - but that might infringe the rights of the show (get Joss involved. Honestly.) and she comes with a definate sell-by date: Spike kills her in 1977.

That would throw another spanner in the works - by the time it comes to killing off Nikki, James Marsters would have aged far too much to realistically play the immortally young Spike; never mind character-rights. That could be side-stepped, of course: the film franchise/show could end before Nikki's death; have a behind-the-head shot of Spike's signature platinum locks in a face-off with Nikki, recreating their first meeting as shown in BtVS, which could end the show; or some clever re-casting or editing could be used. That's all an aside, though; setting the new film in the 60s or 70s could involve the new franchise ending with Nikki being Called.

However, I am not in any way involved with the creation or development of the potential new film - more's the pity. So I'm pretty sure the chances are Kuzui Ent. will try to remake/reboot the original film, and unless they end up with a writer good enough to Maru-nate it they'll just bollocks it all up and ruin it for the fans.

Will it suck? Probably. Will I see it anyway out of a crazed devotion to Buffy? Certainly.

* Sarah Michelle Gellar

** Before Buffy

Of course, the Kuzuis have stated the new film will NOT be a prequel or a sequel, despite the huge fucking idiocy of recasting Buffy and remaking the original film, so all my great ideas are good for nothing.

Sunday, 15 February 2009

Things That Make You Go ARGH.

As I'm sure my friends would be quick to tell you, I am almsot entirely fueled by hate. There are many things about this crazy ole world that really grind my gears - let me tell you about a few of them...

1. People who stop in doorways.
It's a fucking door, moron, people need to go through it. I know your conversation is oh so vitally important, but could you please conduct it elsewhere? I have, in the past, been known to ask people if they know where they are and if they understand that they are stood in a doorway.

2. When the sales assistant gives you your change and puts the note in your hand, then the coins on top.
This drives me up the wall. My hands are already full, with shopping and purse and my bag, and I just want to be able to put my change away as quickly as possible. When the coins are put on top of the note they fall out of my hand, I can't put the money away quickly, it's just generally really irritating. It's especially irritating when, as happened to me Thursday, the sales assistant starts to give me my change, I try to take the coins first and she stops me, takes the change back, and then re-gives me the money just to make absolutely certain that I get the notes on the bottom to make the transaction as bloody awkward as possible.

3. Not a frequent occurance, but this happened to me yesterday - I was stood in line to buy some milk. An old man went up to the till and started queuing in the wrong place, not at the back of the line. He saw that all I had was milk, so kindly offered for me to go ahead of him. I understood he was just trying to be nice so thanked him, but inside I was screaming, "I'm ALREADY ahead of you, idiot!"

4. People singing/saying the same line, over and over.
I don't like any form of repetitive sound at the best of times, and when people start on this sort of nonsense I just want to beat them to death with their own shoes.

5. When people talk/answer their mobile phones in the library.
Apparently in this "modern age" the library is meant to be a more welcoming environment, as part of which public-image-drive we're meant to tolerate the utter wankers who start yelling their conversations at each other, listening to music on their headphones so loudly that I can hear it even when I'm about 15 feet away from them, and screaming down their phones at their worthless wanker friends. If you want to talk, go somewhere else. As far as I'm concerned a library is a quiet place in which to read. One day, one day soon, I will snap and tell them all to fuck off and conduct their trivial lives someplace that's else.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Shall I begin like 'David Copperfield'..?

"I was born; I grew up"...

And if you get that movie reference, there's a really good chance we can be friends.

Welly welly welly. I've dabbled with blogs before - check out for rantings from the past - but a friend's recent blogging ( has prompted me to take up the habit again. I just feel like I have so much to offer the world: my hate; my opinonated rantings; my solid certainty that my taste in books and films is better than yours....So, so much to offer.

So here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known - the road of expressing myself through movie quotations and song lyrics, that is. I'll update this as and when I have a) time, and b) something I feel strongly enough about to blog on the subject. For now, a little about my good self.

I am currently working one full-time job in a library; one part-time job as a Youth Worker (yep, to the amazement/horror of my friends I am allowed to work with children); and two casual jobs as an Educational Facilitator, which essentially means I play pretend that it's the past and work with schools groups. Lots of fun. At present I live with my mum -- lame -- as I'm saving up to move out. Which will be very soon, fingers-crossed, as soon as my soon-to-be-housemate/landlord, we'll call him The Dog, gets an offer accepted on a house. Then I shall be what they call "sans parents" and can go to a movie on a school-night like that.

Mostly I spend what little free time I have chillin' with my bitches, the Geeky Rabbit of aforementioned blogging fame, her boyf. Mr Rabbit and their housies The Duke and Ginger (names not selected by myself) and our many mutual friends, first and foremost being Everyone's Favourite Racist (EFR), a.k.a. the Geekmeister. Let me show you around some of my core friends:-

1. The Geekmeister, a.k.a. EFR after a note-worthy bout of casual racism (in an ironic fashion, you understand). We did our Master's degrees together (yep, I am educated to the MAX) and bonded over our mutual love of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the pub. We've been rocking our favourite public house, the P&W, for a good three years together now. I introduced her to Geeky Rabbit and Mr Rabbit just a few short months ago, at which point we discovered Geekmeister and Mr Rabbit are essentially the same person. Geekmeister now spends most of her time round the Cathays Triangle, where every time something fun happens without me I die a little inside.

2. Geeky Rabbit, a.k.a. Rabbit in a Hat. One of my many random roles involves organising and acting in interactive workshops for kids based on Alice in Wonderland, in which I am Alice. Last year I wanted to expand the show and add another character, so asked mutual friend The Lawyer if she knew any am-dram types who would like to play the Queen of Hearts. Geeky Rabbit was the one she suggested - and Rabbit ended up playing the White Rabbit, appropriately enough, and the Queen of Hearts. And she's the Queen of my Hearts. Oh yeah. We pretty much bonded over a child freaking out about the Queen cheating at croquet, and went from there.

3. Mr Rabbit - who I met by going to a fancy-dress party at which I knew no one. Rabbit had invited me and The Lawyer, but said she wouldn't be at the Triangle until 2-ish, because of work. I thought she meant during the day and hadn't planned on arriving that early anyway. The Lawyer couldn't make it; so, dressed as a Victorian explorer complete with pith helmet and whip, I marched alone through the 'Diff to the Triangle, and when the door was answered asked if the Rabbit could come out to play. Only to find that she was at work until 2am and wasn't there. So I joined the party anyway and befriended Mr Rabbit by talking Macbeth and geek-tastic topics with him. I also bring my complete box set of Buffy DVDs to the mix, which is why I frequently spend entire weekends lost in the Cathays Triangle.

4. The Dog - buying a house in which I shall soon be living. We met at Uni and became friends via mutal aquaintence Hawko, who I'll get to in a minute. The Dog is one of those shy, quiet types that take ages to get to know you and start opening up - and then you end up knowing him for eight years and getting such lines as, "One day Hawko and I fear we're going to actually rape someone, and then say 'But I meant it ironically!'" The Dog also crafted my favourite Valentine's poem: Roses are red, Violets are blue, And you're nothing to me. Nothing.

5. Hawko. Ahhhh, Hawko. Who got this nickname because of a time he passed out drunk and was drooling on himself and apprently looked like Stephen Hawkings. We did the same course at University, didn't speak for pretty much the first month or so, then discovered we were the ones involved in a heated online debate over whether music lyrics counted as poetry. And what started as a very intellectual friendship has devolved over the intervening years into something sick and dark and twisted that involves the kind of jokes I can't post on a public forum. We once wondered aloud what it would be like to have nice, supportive friends who don't judge you and make jokes about you. We concluded we'd have nothing to talk about and moved on from there...

6. Mimi. If I ever admitted I feel feelings, I'd say she's one of my very bestest friends. We went to school together and got talking because of 'This Morning With Richard, Not Judy'. We were in the same maths class and were sat next to two popular girls who, after the first week, decided they wanted to cut us off like dead wood and sit with each other instead. So Mimi and I ended up sat together. We sat in total silence for about 45 minutes, then Mimi turned to me and said hesitantly, "Do ... do you like 'This Morning With Richard, Not Judy'?", I replied, "TMWRNJ!" and started making Curious Orange noises, and twelve years later we're still rocking our almost-shared birthday (two days apart).

7. Ali. The Alster and I also went to shcool together, were part of the same friend-group that turned on each member one by one until everyone got kicked out (aahhhh, those happy teenage years) and Ali and I then didn't speak for pretty much a decade until, of all things, Facebook reuinted us! We now stalk sellectively follow the attractive young men of the area together and revel in our mutual geekery. I also introduced her into the Cathays Triangle, which you can enter - but you can never leave.
Much like the Hotel California in that respect.

Well, think I've rambled on enough for one post - I'll be back later to regale you with tales from 1923.