James Cameron's 'Avatar' Diary

Dear Diary
Today I realised it has totally been over ten years since Titanic, and I can't coast off of that forever. Well, I totally could 'cos it made me mega-rich, but I don't want to. I'm totally gonna rite write another film.

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Dear Diary
Coming up with a new idea is hard. I wish there was some way I could just, like, find a story that someone else has done and totally use that, but without getting sued or anything 'cos I hate that.

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Dear DiaryToday I watched Pocahontas with the kids. It was awesome! If I still felt real human emotion I'm sure I would've cried a bunch and stuff. What a great story! ...Hey, that gives me a great idea!!! That film's, like, over 12 years old. No one remembers back that far, right? I'm totally gonna use that plot for my new story! I'll do a new Pocahontas!

Except I don't like the past, that's boring, I like the future and space and shit. I'm totally gonna set Pocahontas in space in the future!!! It will be mega-awesome.

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Dear DiaryWriting my new film is going really well. Yesterday I watched Dances with Wolves and that was also pretty neat, there was this one great scene where the wolf that Kevin Costner has made friends with gets totally killed and it's wicked-sad. Costner also gets totally accepted into the tribe and shit, which is cool.

Hey, that film is almost like 20 years old! I can totally use those plot points and no one will know where they're from! Except I won't use a wolf ... Hey, there was that magic spirit tree in Pocahontas! I'll have a magic spirit tree in my movie, and it will totally get killed by the white men instead of a wolf. That will work super-awesome!

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Dear Diary

I totally need a reason for white men to have come to my new magic planet, and thinking of a McGuffin is hard. It needs to be something that would totally fuck up the planet, something that will cause mega-huge damage to look for. Something you have to mine for would work, right?

It can't be oil, but maybe some kind of mineral..? I need something that sounds science-y. Wait: science things usually have "ium" at the end, right? So I just need to think of some science-y word that ends in "ium" and they can totally be mining for that. Until I think of something better I'll call it, like, "unobtainium" or something until I think of something better.

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Dear Diary

I can't think of anything better. I'm gonna stick with "unobtainium".

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Dear Diary

There's a shitload of exposition and background stuff in my movie that the audience will totally need to know. I have to try and find some clever way to deliver all the exposition in a subtle way, something that seems wicked cool like the rest of my movie. A smart way.

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Dear Diary

Screw it, I'm just gonna go with a voice-over. That'll work.

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Dear Diary

I've totally thought of a way to make the voice-over work in the movie! I'll have the lead make a video log and totally give reports and stuff. That'll fit real well in my space future!

But I've already written up like a ton of script for the early scenes and I don't wanna re-rite write them. Think I'll just stick with the voice-over then introduce the video log and the audience will totally figure it was a video log all along.

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Dear Diary

The video log has totally made me think of something else! In Dances with Wolves it's Costner's diary that totally leads the white men to the Indian tribe that adopted him. I will so make it the video log that helps the white guys find out about the magic spirit tree and stuff! Oh, and the main white guy will totally have been working with the Marines all along and then he falls in love with the aliens and he totally becomes one of them and shit and then he feels wicked bad about telling the Marines all that shit. That will be super-powerful. People will cry and shit!!

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Dear Diary

I was totally watching Terminator 2 earlier to remind me how freakin' awesome I am (note to self: I AM SO FUCKING AWESOME AND EXPLOSIONS ARE NEAT) and then I remembered: there's a Terminator 2: 3D ride, right? And that's pretty sweet. So imagine how sweet it would be to have the whole movie in 3D?! It will totally kick ASS!!!

And we can charge more at the theatres so I'll totally earn more money, which will rule. I can buy, like, three more houses and build another Titanic.

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Dear Diary

I need to think of some awesome alien creatures. Things with more legs look really alien, right? Look at bugs, they're just fucked up. I'm totally gonna give all my new creatures like six legs and they will all be totally badass and it will be awesome.

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Dear Diary,

Thinking about all those aliens has made me think of Aliens. That movie was awesome. I am awesome. I totally love Vasquez, she was a badass character. I'm totally gonna rite write her into my new movie! Aliens is like over 20 years old, no one will remember that it's totally the same character.

I'm also gonna add a shitload more explosions, because they're mega-awesome.